My Lovely Chinese Spouse

My Chinese partner and I have been married for about fifteen years now; enough time to understand one another’s like and dislikes, abilities and failings and, certainly, the elements of cross-societal miscommunication which trigger the most misunderstandings in our domestic arrangements and daily lifestyle.

Normally, in view of the duration of our partnership, I often get asked questions by close friends and acquaintances regarding how mixed-culture relationships like ours survive when others between two different people of identical race are always falling apart.

In all honesty, I do not have a straightforward answer; however, some views which immediately spring to mind include:

At the end of the day, Chinese wives are girls (yes…, yes, I do know that is obvious) who want to be seen like…, well, women. Yet, maybe in mix cultural marriages each party tries that a bit harder, go that one step further for each other as, deep down, both recognize that, regardless how well they jump on, there will always be connection holes and societal misunderstandings-yet many of which can be resolved with a smile and hug!

One more legitimate point that seems to show up frequently (as I've noticed this from many colleagues who have also married Chinese girls) is the truth that many Chinese wives feel less restricted by a marriage to a foreigner-both in terms of what they're able to do both socially and in their new, extended family and friends, and also from a competent career point of view. Foreigners are, perhaps, normally more liberal with regards to women’s legal rights and careers, and can often aid bring out the very best in their wives.

From another perception, a counter point to this is that many foreign people truly admire the tenaciousness, toughness and resolve of Chinese girls when it comes to issues of family members, or their business knowledge; the old adage of Chinese girls being like among those conventional sweets which had a “smooth outside and a tough centre” still has a charm for a lot of men from overseas searching for a Chinese bride.

Then, we can also think about the issue of, hay can I consider it, “honour” where, likely the Chinese woman wishes to prove to her close friends that she can make a marriage to a foreigner work (you never know, she might have married him against the desires of her loved ones); similarly, from the point of view of the foreign man, if he has been through all the difficulty to transfer to a foreign nation and find and marry a woman from a different society, he too desires to show his family and friends which he can make the marriage work for the long run.

Naturally, it “takes 2 to tango” as a different old expression goes and there must be “give and take”, love and understanding from both sides in case you are in for the long haul…